Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
