I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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