I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
