Kiss
Puke
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
