who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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