if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
