Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
