after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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