Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
