I wanna bring you to show and tell
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
