Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Buhtt sex?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
