the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
