By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
