I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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