Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
