My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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