I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
