Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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