I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
