He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
