Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
