Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
