But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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