I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize