A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
