yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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