just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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