Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
