Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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