Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
