i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
