And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
