Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
