she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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