Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
