Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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