I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let's paint friendship bongs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
