We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
