Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
