She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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