Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
