It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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