im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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