She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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