Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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