she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
