I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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