I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
