I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
