my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
