yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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