just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
