just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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