Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
