Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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