well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
