Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we're chasing vodka with high fives
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize