I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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