My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
