There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize