Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
