What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
