Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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