eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
