I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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