I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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