Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
