They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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