I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
