K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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