If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
