I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
