i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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