Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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