When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
