i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
