Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
