Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have so much sex to catch up on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
