Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
