There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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