i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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